a way with words or away with words, that is the question

Song of the day, hopefully you'll like this one:
''What a wonderful world" - Louis Armstrong, http://youtube.com/watch?v=vnRqYMTpXHc

In my feminism for the future women's literature class, we discussed the way every word serves a particular purpose for the author of any given piece; the word was invented for that particular work and no other. The word could be replaced by many, and debated by all who wish to examine its meanings. Sometimes I feel like every human being is an ambiguous word- what defines you? Are you unlike any other person around you? Perhaps you are a synonym to your friends, and an antonym to your enemies. Haha, before I get carried away I am going to get to the point. Sometimes I feel like I am overused, undervalued, and unappreciated. Much like the word "the". (Used 7 times, and I am sure you didn't acknowledge it once.)

This blog is not directed to any of my family (as you are mostly the ones who read this blog), or my close friends. This is directed at essentially every relationship I have ever had. Particularly, the last one. But without any of the details, let me further examine this word philosophy I have just presented. Maybe you can not escape the word that defines you- this is what I am most afraid of. My biggest character flaw in my opinion is being too "there" for people, and not enough for myself. On numerous instances, I have been called to this fact by close friends and family. I really honestly believe that if I were dying and, for example, I heard one of my friends was hurt or suffering in some way, I would have the nurses cart my ass to their doorstep so that I could take the pain away for them. I am not saying this for personal glory, I am saying it because I view this blog as a form of a journalistic confessional.

I like that my friends and family can depend on me. But, the real question is- how many of my friends would come to my aid if I needed them? All last week, I took care of my ex boyfriend because he had torn something in his knee and was unable to walk or sit or stand without assistance. I am not saying that I hated every minute of taking care of him, because honestly- it was good to see him... at first. Then the routine of constantly helping him kicked in; could you get me this? could you get me that?--- Could you shut the hell up and get it for yourself? That's why crutches were invented! (Sorry, built up frustration can be a real pain.)

Am I used to being used? There I go, playing with words again. But honestly, do I look for those needy people so that I can feel better about myself? Do I really enjoy having people come to me for their last hope, or mom away from home? Is it about self fulfillment?

I am beginning to wonder if these answers are all yes... I wonder what would happen if there were a male in the world who cared more about caring for me that I do for him. That would really be something. I can not imagine this scenario. Maybe it went out with the duck-billed platypus. Maybe relationships are extinct...

Lets explore this "extinct relationship" idea- because in my mind, it doesn't seem so far fetched. Maybe actual loving relationships, where both partners engage in genuine concern and trust are completely extinct. Maybe, just maybe, they are only in movies which is why people often tell me I am looking for "movie romance". Well shit, maybe I am! But I feel like I deserve it... moreover, I think that EVERYONE deserves it. The relationships of today's society have created a battleground of "he said, she saids'' or break ups and make ups. Too much drama in the world- I wish people could just lay back and watch the clouds roll by again. I wish relationships could go back to more simple times... guy loves girl, girl loves guy. Happy ending (in its most innocent sense, you dirty minded word analyzer). Since when did sexual exploration come into the picture? Why is it so rewarding to screw the whole cheerleading team?

Aaaand back to the word "the". My word. Used, but rarely abused thank God, the word embodies the one most overlooked principle: If we don't appreciate everything about someone, how can we truly appreciate everything that defines us? A better understanding of the people around us could help to provide a more peaceful and loving society. Maybe it won't increase the amount of romance in the world, but at least it would make a better plot. If every character had the gumption to get off of their lazy behinds and get to know someone on a deeper level as opposed to just recognizing them for what they are on the face value, wow. It would just really be something wonderful.