Subtitle: Adventures in Human Sexuality Class.
For the reading of this, might I suggest the following tune? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIuuE_phQNM the video will also add to the ambiance.
Before I begin this story, please allow me to explain I never have had a "crash course" in sexuality. Catholic schools refrain from teaching their students about testicles, boobs, or any other type of sexual anatomy--- which actually, now that I think about it, may be why I still giggle at the term "balls" no matter the context it is used.
Anyway, being that this is my first class in Sexuality, I hate to miss this class. I walked in a little bit late today to find a giant blow up testicle on the screen. I smirked as I heard the word testie. (Also keep in mind, as I have never had this course before, many of these terms will be misspelled.)
Crap, I thought to myself, as I had to sit in the very last row next to the overweight gum chewer popping and smacking away (my number 1 pet peeve). This part of my life reminded me of Mean Girls when they made Lindsay Lohan sit behind the kid who farts as punishment for being a bitch. My punishment was for being late. But anyway... I start to think about testicles at just about the time the teacher asked, "Any questions?"
Without a thought in my mind, I raised my hand.
"Yes? You in the back..."
"I remember once I read an article in Cosmopolitan that stated that if you pull on a guy's ball sack while they are ejaculating then their orgasim enhances by about 200%... is that true?"
Never in my entire life have I experienced the following phenomena: 75 students turn around, mouths agape for a few minutes, and then all burst out laughing. A friend of mine, who normally sits next to me but seeing as how i was late he was a few rows ahead of me, turns around and yells, "So Steph, what are you doing later?" And the laughter started again.
I am sure there will be more blogs like this to follow. There are 2 more instances from that class alone that would make top 10 embarassing moments, but I will save those for another date. I have to get ready, it's my friend's 21st birthday tonight and I need to shower.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Cold Day in January
I understand that January is of course supposed to be a cold month, but something about this January feels different. Something much more lonely than last year. It's a bitter cold all the way deep down into my heart. Everytime the wind blows on my face I feel the tears beginning to form; is it the cold?, or is it just a release of emotion I have been suppressing?
My life is not what it should be right now. I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place as the saying goes. The truth is, I have really bad seasonal affectedness disorder (and I am sure that is spelled incorrectly and should be capitalized), and the short, dark days really bring me down. Especially, however, after I watch romantic comedies.
Today I went to a 3-hour lunch with my friend Megan who generously paid for my meal, which I scarfed down like a rabid wolf. She imbibed many-a-beverage during our sitting. I had my first of many Diet Cokes, as I am trying out this new thing called a "diet". She had an impressive 1 Margarita, 1 Delirium (a wonderful beer high in alcohol, I believe it's 7.5%?), 1 beer that came in a pretty chalice of a glass, and 2 more beers which were lighter in color; I guess she was getting tired of the thick beer. I wasn't sad while I was sitting there, but it's obvious I wasn't feeling like myself as Megan and her friends tried to get me to have a beverage and become more lively. I usually am outgoing and can be found laughing at a straw from time to time. But the coldness inside of me was growing. The sun had set by the time we were leaving and I was just wasted with the day; I haven't felt like myself for quite some time.
After the wastedfest of Mellow Mushroom (the restaurant where we had lunch, or beer in Megan's case), we picked up Kasey and went to see the movie 27 Dresses. CHICK FLICK to the maximum. Generally speaking, I like to think of chick flicks as my guilty pleasure. A very small part of me wants to believe that these feelings they feel on screen could turn out to be real in the "real world". But there again was the coldness in my bones. Am I becoming bitter towards the prospects of love? Or is it just the winter taking its toll on my psychologically?
I can't help but think of the Dixie Chicks song "Cold Day in July" as I write this. What a depressing group of girls that is. "Head in my hands, here I am standing in my bare feet, watching you drive away," powerful lyrics. I think this song sums up the way winter feels for me if you want to listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acnX3C9DqsI . It shows that the sun is coming up somewhere, and life is going on all around you, but all you want to do is stay inside with your head in your hands, most likely with a white satin blanket over your head. It's more of a metaphorical cold I think. What is it about listening to sad songs makes me feel better about my life? Comisseration factor, that's my best guess.
After seeing the movie that still believes in romance, I have to wonder if maybe - just maybe- hearing that love doesn't work out counters the fact that this love does not exist. Somewhere in between movies and music is where the true love lies. The extreme sides of both prove to be satisfying, as everyone wants to watch and believe that love in it's purest form still exists; yet, at the same time, there is an urge to rebel against it with music because most of us haven't found our Prince Charming. I wonder if I were to find this true, pure love if my seasonal affectedness disorder (ironic acronym "S.A.D."), would be cured?
Why do all of my blogs always end up speaking about love in a greater context? Maybe I'll just go absorb some fake sun in the tanning salon to cheer myself up in the meantime.
My life is not what it should be right now. I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place as the saying goes. The truth is, I have really bad seasonal affectedness disorder (and I am sure that is spelled incorrectly and should be capitalized), and the short, dark days really bring me down. Especially, however, after I watch romantic comedies.
Today I went to a 3-hour lunch with my friend Megan who generously paid for my meal, which I scarfed down like a rabid wolf. She imbibed many-a-beverage during our sitting. I had my first of many Diet Cokes, as I am trying out this new thing called a "diet". She had an impressive 1 Margarita, 1 Delirium (a wonderful beer high in alcohol, I believe it's 7.5%?), 1 beer that came in a pretty chalice of a glass, and 2 more beers which were lighter in color; I guess she was getting tired of the thick beer. I wasn't sad while I was sitting there, but it's obvious I wasn't feeling like myself as Megan and her friends tried to get me to have a beverage and become more lively. I usually am outgoing and can be found laughing at a straw from time to time. But the coldness inside of me was growing. The sun had set by the time we were leaving and I was just wasted with the day; I haven't felt like myself for quite some time.
After the wastedfest of Mellow Mushroom (the restaurant where we had lunch, or beer in Megan's case), we picked up Kasey and went to see the movie 27 Dresses. CHICK FLICK to the maximum. Generally speaking, I like to think of chick flicks as my guilty pleasure. A very small part of me wants to believe that these feelings they feel on screen could turn out to be real in the "real world". But there again was the coldness in my bones. Am I becoming bitter towards the prospects of love? Or is it just the winter taking its toll on my psychologically?
I can't help but think of the Dixie Chicks song "Cold Day in July" as I write this. What a depressing group of girls that is. "Head in my hands, here I am standing in my bare feet, watching you drive away," powerful lyrics. I think this song sums up the way winter feels for me if you want to listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acnX3C9DqsI . It shows that the sun is coming up somewhere, and life is going on all around you, but all you want to do is stay inside with your head in your hands, most likely with a white satin blanket over your head. It's more of a metaphorical cold I think. What is it about listening to sad songs makes me feel better about my life? Comisseration factor, that's my best guess.
After seeing the movie that still believes in romance, I have to wonder if maybe - just maybe- hearing that love doesn't work out counters the fact that this love does not exist. Somewhere in between movies and music is where the true love lies. The extreme sides of both prove to be satisfying, as everyone wants to watch and believe that love in it's purest form still exists; yet, at the same time, there is an urge to rebel against it with music because most of us haven't found our Prince Charming. I wonder if I were to find this true, pure love if my seasonal affectedness disorder (ironic acronym "S.A.D."), would be cured?
Why do all of my blogs always end up speaking about love in a greater context? Maybe I'll just go absorb some fake sun in the tanning salon to cheer myself up in the meantime.
Monday, January 21, 2008
2008.. i didnt get a harumph out of that guy..
New Years was quite the fiasco this year. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, we had all planned on going to my friends beach house and spending New Years together. Granted, no one really wanted to drive the two hours, but we figured it would be worth the trip to be as a group to bring in the new year. Unfortunately, somehow the entire thing got messed up and everyone was becoming chaotic as New Years came closer and closer. Turns out that my friend (Emily, the owner of the beach house) got completely ripped off by her best friends of high school because they told all of our guy friends, including myself as I am closer with that particular circle, that Emily was not going to throw her party anymore and we should just go to Brittany's house. Ugh. This was a migrane waiting to happen- not to say I don't like the girls, but I have always been kind of closer to Emily and her roommate Laura because they went to College Park and I saw them the most frequently after high school.
So we got to Brittany's house and everything seemed to be like walking on egg shells for me because I wasn't "technically" invited by the owner of the house. And then everyone got there and started drinking so the awkwardness kind of went away for a while. Honestly, this was probably my least favorite New Years I can remember. I would have much rather just stayed at home with my parents watching movies and drinking Woodchucks (my favorite alcoholic cider). But, since I got peer pressured by my friends, I went.
We were at Brittany's for quite some time before 4 of us decided to go to the bar. Me, my friend Ryan, an old friend from elementary school Jason and his friend David all headed to a bar in Rockville. (Or at least I think it was in Rockville...) This was the most interesting part of the night, I was with a total stranger, a really old friend I hadn't seen in a while, and some guy who is synonymous for wanting to sleep with everything that has two legs and two boobs. So, I did what any normal girl would do in this situation... I ran around the bar like an idiot talking to strangers and praying that I would get a phone call to interrupt all of this drunken fun I am having. I had a few calls, mostly from my North Carolina friends, or my injured ex boyfriend from his couch in Maine.. but for the most part this whole bar scene was just not my style.
So we headed back to Brittany's house after the ball dropped at midnight (after I gave all of my friends, old and new, a kiss making me look like a ginormous skank... but there was no tongue, so I don't really care. It's my New Years and I'll kiss my friends if I want to). Upon arriving back at Brittany's, I was fairly intoxicated. So much so that I wasn't even bothered by the fact that one of my best guy friends was making out with the owner of the house. Now that I look back, I am kind of bothered. She looks like the slutty dog from Lady and the Tramp- you know the one when Lady goes to jail and meets the skanky dog who explains the Tramps trampy ways with her cigarette induced voice? Yeah, sums her up to a T in my opinion. Hopefully she never reads this blog. But at the time I thought it was kind of funny. He ran around from girl to girl trying to get his "freak on" as Missy would say, and I couldn't help but hear the funky beat of that song as I watched his drunken stutter step. "Ba-da-da-da-da-da, Ba-da-da-da-da-da, Ba-da-da-da-da-da, GET YO FREAK ONNNN". It was actually pretty funny. But I did feel a little bit of a heart strain on my behalf. I have loved this kid since I was about 12, and I think I have mentioned him in prior blogs, but I am sure that those of you reading this know exactly who I am talking about. Maybe it was payback for making out with his brother on New Years last year... that's about all I could come up with for his defense of why he was acting so bizarre.
Anyway, that's about how my New Years came and went. Full of chaos and eggshells with a twist of heartache. I really hope that this night of bringing in the new year is not indicative of the year that is to come, I don't know if I want to relive that night. I guess next year to bring in 2009 I should just go on a vacation to some island... let me know if you want to come. haha.
So we got to Brittany's house and everything seemed to be like walking on egg shells for me because I wasn't "technically" invited by the owner of the house. And then everyone got there and started drinking so the awkwardness kind of went away for a while. Honestly, this was probably my least favorite New Years I can remember. I would have much rather just stayed at home with my parents watching movies and drinking Woodchucks (my favorite alcoholic cider). But, since I got peer pressured by my friends, I went.
We were at Brittany's for quite some time before 4 of us decided to go to the bar. Me, my friend Ryan, an old friend from elementary school Jason and his friend David all headed to a bar in Rockville. (Or at least I think it was in Rockville...) This was the most interesting part of the night, I was with a total stranger, a really old friend I hadn't seen in a while, and some guy who is synonymous for wanting to sleep with everything that has two legs and two boobs. So, I did what any normal girl would do in this situation... I ran around the bar like an idiot talking to strangers and praying that I would get a phone call to interrupt all of this drunken fun I am having. I had a few calls, mostly from my North Carolina friends, or my injured ex boyfriend from his couch in Maine.. but for the most part this whole bar scene was just not my style.
So we headed back to Brittany's house after the ball dropped at midnight (after I gave all of my friends, old and new, a kiss making me look like a ginormous skank... but there was no tongue, so I don't really care. It's my New Years and I'll kiss my friends if I want to). Upon arriving back at Brittany's, I was fairly intoxicated. So much so that I wasn't even bothered by the fact that one of my best guy friends was making out with the owner of the house. Now that I look back, I am kind of bothered. She looks like the slutty dog from Lady and the Tramp- you know the one when Lady goes to jail and meets the skanky dog who explains the Tramps trampy ways with her cigarette induced voice? Yeah, sums her up to a T in my opinion. Hopefully she never reads this blog. But at the time I thought it was kind of funny. He ran around from girl to girl trying to get his "freak on" as Missy would say, and I couldn't help but hear the funky beat of that song as I watched his drunken stutter step. "Ba-da-da-da-da-da, Ba-da-da-da-da-da, Ba-da-da-da-da-da, GET YO FREAK ONNNN". It was actually pretty funny. But I did feel a little bit of a heart strain on my behalf. I have loved this kid since I was about 12, and I think I have mentioned him in prior blogs, but I am sure that those of you reading this know exactly who I am talking about. Maybe it was payback for making out with his brother on New Years last year... that's about all I could come up with for his defense of why he was acting so bizarre.
Anyway, that's about how my New Years came and went. Full of chaos and eggshells with a twist of heartache. I really hope that this night of bringing in the new year is not indicative of the year that is to come, I don't know if I want to relive that night. I guess next year to bring in 2009 I should just go on a vacation to some island... let me know if you want to come. haha.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Christmas Updates and a Good-bye to 007.
Wow. So 2007 is finally over and I am in my final semester of college. EVER, with any luck. Since it has been a long while since my last blog, I will catch you up on my Christmas and New Years "extrava'suck'as". Just kidding, they were great.
I remember my first semester down here in North Carolina where I had my tiny little apartment that, at first, made me feel extremely clausterphobic. Somehow or another that little armpit of which I called my apartment became home to me. I remember going home to Maryland for my winter break that first year and subconsciously thinking that I should "probably go home now" to my little armpit. It's funny how things change. But this past vacation to Maryland was in essence my favorite visit to date. It felt cozier than I remember, my dog Bailey has finally learned not to piss me off too much and I actually enjoyed his constant companionship. But above all else, I was HOME. I was able to finally relax and sleep.
Have you ever seen the movie Forrest Gump? (I know it's a stupid question...) I definitely "pulled a Jenny" by sleeping for days at a time. Not to say I have a whorish, drug enduced existence down in Wilmington, but life certainly catches up to you when you have a moment or two to reflect on a semester of fun and excitement, leaving you feeling completely wasted with fatigue. Thank goodness my parents allowed me to sleep it off.
Christmas was of course a madhouse. It's funny how some things change, but in a way they always stay the same. Christmas is when my mom's side of the family gets together to spoil all of the young cousins, but this year it was quite different. Every year that goes by, it seems like the family is getting smaller and smaller. Maybe we should allow alcohol to make a friendly return next year. Irish egg nog... why isn't it a year round treat? Anyway, my cousin Emily has become quite the little terror (that's the nice way of saying biatch). She is 9 years old and extremely opinionated, so much as to snub her nose at my mother's present. I guess High School Musical t-shirts are not as cool as aliens. Now that I think about it though, she is the first one in the line of cousins that has possessed this fascination for aliens. I guess me and my other 10 or so cousins missed the memo.
Christmas Eve Mass- you can always count on my dad to get somewhere absurdly early, almost to a point of where you want to start playing Hangman on a church bulletin. I read through it with my sister to find grammatical errors (NERD ALERT), but it's shocking how many were in there... come on Saint Mary's, get some Godly intervention on your 1922 typewriter.
After the Mass, we went back to our house as a family to take family pictures and relax after a day ruined by my biatch of a cousin. My mother thought Christmas was ruined for sure. Anyway, the pictures ended up making me look like a SantaSlut, I would put the pictures up but I am afraid they would scare small children. I have never been a huge fan of posing, I find it unnatural. If you want a picture of me you should probably capture me doing something stupid or laughing, those are my natural moments. But, as usual, the rest of my photogenic family looked wonderful, even Bailey looked better than his youngest, skanky master.
And Christmas morning came shortly after the 90th time we watched the slideshow on the digital camera. Erin, my sister, showed us that we could plug the camera into the tv and watch it as a slideshow. Turned out to be her Christmas ruiner I think since none of us knew how to do it, haha. So, came time to open presents. Everyone got something new and wonderful, but my mom got the best present of all- an impossible to find Nintendo Wii. She cried and "peed a little" when we started to play with it.
The Wii is the only thing that broke my slumber while I was home. My friends whom I haven't seen since about high school came over and we played for hours, not to mention the late night Wii Tennis and Bowling with my dad, who is determined to think he can beat me. I will never lose at tennis.
So in summation, my Christmas break truly was a homecoming for me. Maryland is everything I love with all of the people I love. I finally had a new feeling of relaxation I hadn't had in over 3 years. I was happy and content; moving back to Maryland will be the next chapter of my life and I am looking forward to 2008 and my final semester in North Carolina.
I remember my first semester down here in North Carolina where I had my tiny little apartment that, at first, made me feel extremely clausterphobic. Somehow or another that little armpit of which I called my apartment became home to me. I remember going home to Maryland for my winter break that first year and subconsciously thinking that I should "probably go home now" to my little armpit. It's funny how things change. But this past vacation to Maryland was in essence my favorite visit to date. It felt cozier than I remember, my dog Bailey has finally learned not to piss me off too much and I actually enjoyed his constant companionship. But above all else, I was HOME. I was able to finally relax and sleep.
Have you ever seen the movie Forrest Gump? (I know it's a stupid question...) I definitely "pulled a Jenny" by sleeping for days at a time. Not to say I have a whorish, drug enduced existence down in Wilmington, but life certainly catches up to you when you have a moment or two to reflect on a semester of fun and excitement, leaving you feeling completely wasted with fatigue. Thank goodness my parents allowed me to sleep it off.
Christmas was of course a madhouse. It's funny how some things change, but in a way they always stay the same. Christmas is when my mom's side of the family gets together to spoil all of the young cousins, but this year it was quite different. Every year that goes by, it seems like the family is getting smaller and smaller. Maybe we should allow alcohol to make a friendly return next year. Irish egg nog... why isn't it a year round treat? Anyway, my cousin Emily has become quite the little terror (that's the nice way of saying biatch). She is 9 years old and extremely opinionated, so much as to snub her nose at my mother's present. I guess High School Musical t-shirts are not as cool as aliens. Now that I think about it though, she is the first one in the line of cousins that has possessed this fascination for aliens. I guess me and my other 10 or so cousins missed the memo.
Christmas Eve Mass- you can always count on my dad to get somewhere absurdly early, almost to a point of where you want to start playing Hangman on a church bulletin. I read through it with my sister to find grammatical errors (NERD ALERT), but it's shocking how many were in there... come on Saint Mary's, get some Godly intervention on your 1922 typewriter.
After the Mass, we went back to our house as a family to take family pictures and relax after a day ruined by my biatch of a cousin. My mother thought Christmas was ruined for sure. Anyway, the pictures ended up making me look like a SantaSlut, I would put the pictures up but I am afraid they would scare small children. I have never been a huge fan of posing, I find it unnatural. If you want a picture of me you should probably capture me doing something stupid or laughing, those are my natural moments. But, as usual, the rest of my photogenic family looked wonderful, even Bailey looked better than his youngest, skanky master.
And Christmas morning came shortly after the 90th time we watched the slideshow on the digital camera. Erin, my sister, showed us that we could plug the camera into the tv and watch it as a slideshow. Turned out to be her Christmas ruiner I think since none of us knew how to do it, haha. So, came time to open presents. Everyone got something new and wonderful, but my mom got the best present of all- an impossible to find Nintendo Wii. She cried and "peed a little" when we started to play with it.
The Wii is the only thing that broke my slumber while I was home. My friends whom I haven't seen since about high school came over and we played for hours, not to mention the late night Wii Tennis and Bowling with my dad, who is determined to think he can beat me. I will never lose at tennis.
So in summation, my Christmas break truly was a homecoming for me. Maryland is everything I love with all of the people I love. I finally had a new feeling of relaxation I hadn't had in over 3 years. I was happy and content; moving back to Maryland will be the next chapter of my life and I am looking forward to 2008 and my final semester in North Carolina.
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